A New View

"He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed." Psalm 107:29

      If you know me, and most of you that read this blog do, you'll know that I kind of have a thing for storms. Ok, not kind of....I have a major thing for storms. Over the years I've learned to appreciate the relaxation they give me, the sound of the rain hitting everything in sight, the roll of the thunder and the crash of the lightning. All of it's glory bursting forth and covering the earth, it keeps me captivated from beginning to end. But, I've learned something new this week.
      Because I live in Ohio I've learned that the weather does what it wants, and if you've been around this week it has stormed big time for the past two days.  Unfortunately, yesterday, I was caught up with a few things so I didn't really have time to sneak away and storm watch. But, today, today was different, and it's opened my eyes up to a new world.

      Usually when someone asks me why I love storms so much I answer them with this. "Well, they calm me. I have some of the greatest memories during stormy days and I just overall enjoy watching and listening to them." If you were to ask me in this moment what I enjoy the most I have a new answer for you. The understanding between the storm and me.

      Have you ever had a surge of an emotion? Happiness, excitement, depression, anger? Have you ever had a surge of emotion that lasts more than one day? Well, recently I have. My whole week has been filled with an overflowing amount of emotions. (Well if we're being technical it's been a mix of somewhere between sadness and peace alongside of anxiety and happiness.) Having a week full of surging emotions isn't always the easiest thing to withstand. I've lost some sleep, some weight, and some sparks in my eyes, but God took today to show me His hand in all of this.

      I was sitting in my garage as always, watching the storm clouds pass over. Listening to the rain, sometimes jumping at the loud sound of the thunder, when it hit me. The realization that this storm was not helping me relax, instead it was helping me release all of my emotions. As the rain fell harder so did my tears, as the thunder gripped the sky in fear, so my fists tightened their grip. This storm was different, it wasn't one to bring me joy, or to bring me relaxation. It was instead one that God used to speak to me.
      You see, storms come unapologetically. And they always come differently, some days it's a sprinkle, other days it's a downpour. There is either both lightning and thunder or just one or the other. Either way the storm makes it's presence known in full, without hesitating. Today that showed me something, it showed me that I need to come as I am. Unapologetically. Sure, I've been feeling some things on the inside, but on the outside I haven't been showing it much. Even in front of God I'm trying to hide some of my emotions, but God knows what is going on inside of me.

      God used this storm today, not only to help me release my deepest inner emotions, but to teach me to be real and stop trying to put up this fake wall for everyone. Right now, in this moment, I love the storm because it perfectly shows what sometimes goes on inside of me. Whether it's a full on internal storm that rushes out or a small storm that stays inside, the storm is me. It comes all at once, or in bits and pieces throughout a certain amount of time. Either way, it comes and there is no strength that can stop it. It just surrenders itself to the Creator. And in the end, when all is said and done it helps. It helps food and flowers to grow, it helps provide water for a village in a third world country, it helps in ways we probably don't even know about. And just like earthly storms, internal storms can help to. It can help strengthen us, or understand ourselves better. It can draw us closer to God and oh so much more.

      So today, I'm thankful for my storm and for the one going on outside our house that understands me. I will always view storms differently now and that is a good thing.

       Thank you God. Thank you for storms both inside and out. For the understanding you've shown me and for the realness you've brought to my attention. Thank you for accepting me in any way that I come and for listening to me as I cry my heart out to you. Thank you for the ways you draw me closer to you. I will praise you in this storm. Amen.