I Just Want To Be A Light

This blog post may be short, but it's something I felt I needed to share. God has a funny way of poking at us, of preparing us for the unknown in ways that we...well...don't know! That happened to me recently, and as I shared it today in church during our "Where have you seen God and what has He been saying to you?" segment, something much deeper seemed to rise to the surface after I sat back down from sharing this story with my friends in the congregation. So, here I am sharing it with you and the amount of emotion that showed itself after.

If you're friends with my mom or me on FaceBook you would have seen by now the many things my family is going through. To recap on a few...

  • My youngest sister has a heart defect, she is special needs and takes many medications. As of tomorrow, we lose her insurance. The insurance that purchases her $5,000+ a month medication. We are still in the process of figuring out what we're going to do about this, and thankfully we have some amazing people helping us out as much as they can. 
  • My grandma has been in and out of the hospital recently. Her first time in the hospital they discovered cancer and were very quick in removing it. Now, this time, they're not sure what's causing her to feel so miserable. After a full week in the hospital they're still discussing a diagnosis and which medications might help her feel more comfortable and allow her to properly eat. Not only is her health at a low right now, but she has spinal stenosis. It causes her an excruciating amount of pain and was going to be taken care of this week with a specific surgery. Due to her declining health, they have bumped it, therefore prolonging her pain even after she gets healthy again and has returned home. 
  • My mom was just diagnosed with cancer. Malignant Melanoma to be exact. They are going to do surgery on her within the next upcoming weeks to take out the tumor and to get a biopsy of her lymph-node.
Now, I don't tell you this for the sake of pity, or for a cry of help. But in order to share my story I needed to let you in on the details. You see, God gave me something I needed at a time that I didn't think I needed it. It came in a little thing called a FaithBox. It was one of those random ads that pops up on Facebook, it was a picture of a smiling woman around my age holding a box full of Christian Inspiration products and books. After seeing it a few times I clicked on it and decided just last week to try it out. It's a monthly subscription and the process they use is to have a theme for each box, the book they provide and the many other items that support other ministries included in the box, also follow that theme. FaithBox sends you your box for the month a few weeks before the actual month begins. So, since I was new, my first box would arrive in April, but would be for the month of May. I received my box and was so excited to open it, as I did I noticed the theme for the month of May would be joy. Of all the topics for the month, why joy? Now, I know why. Trials and temptations are bearing down on my family. We are trusting God with all of our hearts, but trying to keep busy so we don't have time to feel the things going on inside. Joy. Wow God, just wow.....never did I think I would need a lesson on being joyful. But, this month I do, more than ever I need to be reminded of the joy in ALL things, because You are in ALL things.

As I shared that story, and thought about all of this, one sentence popped into my soul. "I just want to be a light." I don't need to be strong through all of this, I don't need to look like I have it all together. Instead, I need to know that He has the whole world in His hands, and I know I can be joyful through Him in everything this world tosses at my family and me. So, you know what? Life may be hard sometimes, but through these tough times I am going to settle down and dig deep into the lesson FaithBox sent me, I'm going to focus on bringing His joy to this world. I just want to be a light....not for me, not for my family, not for the world....but for Him. To show Him to everyone in everything I do. I JUST WANT TO BE A LIGHT. Help me be that light my Abba Father, Amen.

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